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Top 12 Facts You Should Know About Middle Childhood

The first mission of middle childhood is to sustain self-esteem—to feel good about oneself most of the time. School years are like an obstacle course for self-esteem. In a single day, a student can experience success, failure, popularity, loneliness, stress, and humiliation. Friends, family and respected adults can help in tough times – so can a history of success in academics or achievement in athletics. However, the most important factor influencing a child’s ability to “bounce back” after a bad experience is the presence of at least one parent or adult in the child’s life with whom the child has a loving, trusting relationship.

The second mission of middle childhood is to be liked and accepted by peers. The desire to be an “insider” and socially accepted is very strong – strong enough to cause children in middle childhood to dress, talk and act as if they had no will of their own.

The third mission of middle childhood is to find a way to be like everyone else and, yet, to be different. Most children are able to handle this conflict by modifying their own preferences to “fit in” with the group without completely giving up on all individuality. This mission is often in conflict with mission number 2.

The fourth mission of middle childhood is to find acceptable role models for the future. Role models may be selected from television, the music industry, relatives, or even historical or fictional figures. Role models usually come and go as the child ages. Each role model offers the chance to “try on” an identity and a set of behaviors. This mission is helpful for self-discovery and for determining lifetime goals.

The fifth mission of middle childhood is to begin the process of questioning the beliefs and values of the family. As children spend increasing time away from home – at school, friends’ homes, social events – they realize that there are many differences between values and beliefs learned within their family circle and the values and beliefs of other families. This realization leads to rethinking previously accepted “truths” and starts the child on the path of developing a personal philosophy.

The sixth mission of middle childhood is to earn a position of respect within the family. Children want to impress their parents and to gain the respect of the family. This can lead to intense sibling rivalry. A comparison with siblings encourages competition, which can be harmful to both children. Parents must be aware of the importance of acknowledging each child with praise for real achievement. False praise can also be harmful. In addition to the child wanting the respect of parents and family, the child also wants to be proud of his or her family. Family pride is essential to self-worth.

The seventh mission of middle childhood is to explore independence and test limits. In the early school-age years, children put up little resistance to parental authority. As the child becomes older, the child becomes more interested in independence and unwilling to accept limits such as curfews or clothing restrictions. The minor conflicts with parents during these years allow the child to rehearse for the role of adolescent and to test his or her ability to handle independence.

The eighth mission of middle childhood is to acquire knowledge and master new skills. For a child who learns easily, this mission is a source of reward and pride. The child who has learning difficulties, this mission offers challenges to self-esteem. Because children of this age have few defenses against failure, a child having learning difficulties often gives up rather than risk being humiliated.

The ninth mission of middle childhood is to accept one’s own physical appearance, body build, and athletic abilities. If there are two children in this group in one room, they will be comparing themselves to each other, sure of their own personal defects and bodily abnormalities. The concern school-age children have about their bodies results in extreme modesty, refused invitations to social events like swimming parties, and a great deal of worrying about required showers after physical education classes.

The tenth mission of middle childhood is to deal with multiple fears. One of the most common fears in school-age children is fear of the future – worrying about what comes next, possible failures, or humiliation. Another common fear is fear of loss – of family, friends, or even favorite possessions.

The eleventh mission of middle childhood is to take control of drives and desires. School-age children have an enormous number of “burning desires.” To deal with their wants and passions, school-age children must be able to compromise, settle for less than what they had asked for, and accept substitutes or replacements.

The twelfth mission of middle childhood is to develop a realistic sense of self. By age 12, middle childhood youngsters are usually able to list the things they’re good or bad at and their strengths and weaknesses. Children who are able to develop a realistic self-image are most likely to deal well with the challenges of adolescence.

Source: “Caring for Kids” by Patricia A Keener, MD for Riley Hospital for Children
Adapted from Levine, M. Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics. 3rd Edition

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